I Can Be Religious and Gay – I Worship Madonna Too, You Know

Last Thursday, I decided to have a huge party/orgy in honor of Pitch Perfect debuting in theaters this past weekend. All of my friends came over including Chelsea Handler. Chelsea and I go way back where we used to do crystal meth in downtown L.A. dive bars. The party was happening and people were having a blast, that’s when I saw the cutest guy ever and then realized I had chips and queso right before (I know – shoot me). I asked Chelsea for a breath mint right away and after a while of tasting it, I lost feeling in my tongue, then I remember seeing the room blur and all of a sudden the room became black. Immediately, I thought to myself, “Wow, gays, way to cut right to the chase and get the orgy started…”, but then I found out I was on my kitchen floor. After that, I don’t recall shit. I just woke up and realized that cunt Chelsea roofied me with her Mexican Tic-Tacs. It’s okay, I forgive her. But that’s where I’ve been for the past 5 days.

Anyways…

While I was in my coma, I swear I saw God. Yes, Jesus, herself spoke to me and said, “Come on in, girlfriend!”. I saw a bright light and followed it. Heaven was just like every gay bar I’ve been to – loud and packed with lots of fairies. I thought to myself, “See, I knew I was going to make it past the pearly gates. Being gay is not a sin. Being gay is the way, bitches!” But, then I woke up in my own vomit thus leading me to an epiphany that homosexuality isn’t a sin or an abomination. It’s a gift.

As I was flipping through my e-mails 10 minutes ago, I came across an article from Huffington Post – Gay Voices about being gay and a Christian. Even though I haven’t been to church since they took out the smoking section at my church, I still like to read up about religious beliefs. The article I came across was, “I am a Seventh-Gay Adventist” by some bitch named Eliel Cruz and the article shook me right to the tip of my penis. Somewhere, Kirk Cameron is pissed.

Many of my friends, both gay and straight, are involved in somewhat of an organized religion. Whether it may be an Abrahamic faith to Shintoism, my friends are a religious Benetton ad swirling with different arrays of religious beliefs. But, all their religions usually have one thing in common about homosexuality: it’s not acceptable by any means. Even though my friends and I don’t believe that shit (Especially me since I had a kiki with The Almighty thanks for my overdose), I find it ridiculous that many people living in this day and age still do.

I don’t really get all sentimental and shit, but I just wanted to tell all you homo/sissy boys/in the closet macho men that you are accepted, as you are. Isn’t that what the root of any religion is – loving everyone no matter how different they are from you? Anyways, I suggest you Nancy Boys read this article because I know there is at least one of you who find it difficult to step foot in that church/synagogue/mosque/temple because you’re gay.

And I’ll always love you, no matter how fat and ugly you really are.

Comment and tell me your stance on religion and homosexuality.

Smooches.

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