If there isn’t one thing I’m more obsessed about than manscaping, it’s motherfucking Lena Dunham. Lena is probably the epitome of every gay man out there – a hipster bitch who is overly compulsive about losing weight. One of my friends actually knows Lena and went to Oberlin with her (true story). One time she went to her house and got so high that they filmed this dinky little film called Tiny Furniture. When my friend learned about how Lena took all the credit for the film, my friend got pissed. I, on the other hand, applauded Lena because that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve seized the opportunity of a lifetime and made a hit movie. That’s what all adventurous women do. Cue the hi-hat.
Like every gay and closeted man out there, I watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday night (P.S. You know who was on my best dressed list? Nicole “I-Was-Once-An-Anorexic-Pill-Popping-Shrew-But-Now-I’m-A-Mature-Upstanding-Citizen-Of-Society-Because-I’m-A-Mother” Richie. Sis was looking on point!). From the homos doing the set design to the in-the-closet lead male actors to Jodie Foster and Richard Gere, the Globes was THE gay place to be. I totally fell in love with Jodie Foster much like how she fell in love with Home Depot the minute she scissored a woman. In all seriousness, she delivered that poignant and beautiful speech with such poise and eloquence. Jodie, shopping at Birkenstock is a must. My treat!
Anyways, back to Lena Dunham. I literally was giving her a standing ovation when she won for Best Actress in a Comedy Series and when Girls won for Best Comedy Series. That show has given me so much life that I want to thank her by signing her up for Weight Watchers. She is a smart and beautiful woman who is also a HUGE ally for the LGBT community. Lena also has rallied for same-sex marriage legalization, appeared in an Obama campaign, and also has a sister who is an out and proud lesbian.
Lena is publicly dating Fun.’s hot as fuck guitarist Jack Antonoff and the two are wildly in love. Jack, much like Lena, is also known for his rallying in the gay rights movement by appearing in the NOH8 campaign. Even though they may be in love, the two are not getting married until one major thing happens. Lena said backstage at the Golden Globes: “I don’t want to get married until all gay people can get married.” Three snaps for you, hunty! So happy to have an elegant, influential, and passionate straight ally like yourself, and Jack, to help us fight for gay rights everywhere. Lena, you’re our new fag hag. Now, let’s be gym buddies and start a juice cleanse. What I’m trying to say is put down that donut. Also, hated the season premiere of Girls on Sunday. Love you!