There are so many things in this world that make me happy. Penises, nipples, spinning class, and kale are some of the things that make life worth living as a gay man. Even though this world is full of great things, it’s also full of bullshit that I am totally done with. “Over It” is going to be a segment that talks about things that I’m totally over a.k.a. that I’m sick of. Hopefully, you’ll be over them too after I explain why. If you aren’t, then I’m over you! Here it is:
I was a fan. I used to have a Blackberry Bold back in the day when they were hot. Notice I used past tense. Now, Blackberrys have the same functionality and technology behind an actual blackberry fruit. They are a dead technology. So, throw away that Blackberry and that fax machine you probably have to.
Girls who watch sports
Please, bitch. We all know you watch sports to turn on guys. I saw you with your Ray Lewis jerseys at the sports bars cheering when the Super Bowl was on while you were chugging three beers. And I also saw you the other night in your little black dress on a stripper pole while sipping on an Appletini. You ain’t foolin’ nobody, hunty! Girls who are “into” sports are full of shit. Just because you watch a football game and scream right after everyone else screams, doesn’t mean you’re a fan. I would love it if you named at least eight players on your favorite sports teams and the corresponding referee calls. And, all of the dumb straight guys eat that shit up and find it sexy when they see a girl watching sports. You girls disgust me. By the way, why haven’t I thought of this strategy to pick up straight dudes at sports bars?
Stop riding your bicycles everywhere you go. Stop drinking organic carrot juice. Stop watching documentaries. And start showering, start driving your cars, and start wearing deodorant. You’re hot and all but I would like to tell the difference between you and the local hobo pissing in a water bottle. Thanks! P.S. Cut your long hair. The shaved head/short hair look is in.
I love dancing as much as the next person. And I love pole dancing as much as the next go go boy. So, if I want to twerk in a mosh pit full of sweaty gay men I’d just go down to my nearest bathhouse orgy. I am SICK of all this little gay boy divas waltzing around my favorite D.C. gay nightclub with their fucking multicolored skinny jeans and plunging v-necks. I want to dance without you having to spill your drink, which you probably got from blowing a gay man who bought it legally, all over my new Prada velvet blazer.
What are you sluts saying “OVER IT!” to? Comment below or tweet me at @GayManPrblems or @TheGaylyDose and let me know!