Tag Archives: gay marriage

My First Sexual Encounter (That I Still Masturbate To)

People usually say, “I’ve known I was gay my whole life.” Although this may be true, it doesn’t necessarily happen to everyone. I’ve never known I was gay my whole life, per se, but I’ve always known I was different. When I was five, I remember having a huge crush on Aladdin and his purple opened vest that revealed twink-like rippling muscles underneath. Now that I think about it, maybe Aladdin is gay. Only now do I know that I was gay when I was five, but I didn’t know it then. Therefore, I haven’t known I was gay my whole life until I came out and reflected on my past. I’ve known I have been gay since I was about 10 or 11, honestly. I knew for sure I was gay when I had my first sexual experience when I got my first hand-job by my friend when I was 14. Some people lose their virginity by then but, unlike them, I didn’t grow up in West Virginia.

aladdinhercules

My friend was a childhood friend whose parents were best friends with mine so we used to see a lot of each other. My first sexual encounter happened when…

*To read the complete article on DatingAdvice.com, click here!

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Gay Men And Commitment: Being Monogamous Isn’t Monotonous

You know that feeling of love at first sight? You see him. He sees you. And, in that moment, your whole world slows down.

He smiles and you feel a jolt of lightning surge through your bones. You have never felt so alive in your life!

People say that’s love and I agree.

Now that same-sex marriage has been legalized in nine states, plus D.C., many people are now seeing love and commitment is present in gay couples and we aren’t just some sex-crazed animals the media sometimes portrays us to be.

gaylove[1]

Make your own rules.

Although there are gay men who do value monogamy, there are those that believe in open relationships.

Commitment seems to be such a hot topic in the gay community because it is one stereotype that has definitely been scrutinized and amplified.

I’m not saying straight couples are all loyal to one another and gay men can’t commit. I’m saying every couple makes their own rules.

If being in an open relationship works for one couple, regardless if they’re straight or gay, then they should do as they please.

There isn’t one thing I absolutely hate more than society thinking gay men can’t commit.

Well, there is one thing I hate more, but let’s leave cargo pants out of this…

*To read the complete article at DatingAdvice.com, click here!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Lena Dunham: Best Hunty In A Comedy Series

If there isn’t one thing I’m more obsessed about than manscaping, it’s motherfucking Lena Dunham. Lena is probably the epitome of every gay man out there – a hipster bitch who is overly compulsive about losing weight. One of my friends actually knows Lena and went to Oberlin with her (true story). One time she went to her house and got so high that they filmed this dinky little film called Tiny Furniture. When my friend learned about how Lena took all the credit for the film, my friend got pissed. I, on the other hand, applauded Lena because that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve seized the opportunity of a lifetime and made a hit movie. That’s what all adventurous women do. Cue the hi-hat.

"Girls" creator and actress Lena Dunham poses with the award "Girls" won for Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical at the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills

Like every gay and closeted man out there, I watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday night (P.S. You know who was on my best dressed list? Nicole “I-Was-Once-An-Anorexic-Pill-Popping-Shrew-But-Now-I’m-A-Mature-Upstanding-Citizen-Of-Society-Because-I’m-A-Mother” Richie. Sis was looking on point!). From the homos doing the set design to the in-the-closet lead male actors to Jodie Foster and Richard Gere, the Globes was THE gay place to be. I totally fell in love with Jodie Foster much like how she fell in love with Home Depot the minute she scissored a woman. In all seriousness, she delivered that poignant and beautiful speech with such poise and eloquence. Jodie, shopping at Birkenstock is a must. My treat!

nicole

Anyways, back to Lena Dunham. I literally was giving her a standing ovation when she won for Best Actress in a Comedy Series and when Girls won for Best Comedy Series. That show has given me so much life that I want to thank her by signing her up for Weight Watchers. She is a smart and beautiful woman who is also a HUGE ally for the LGBT community. Lena also has rallied for same-sex marriage legalization, appeared in an Obama campaign, and also has a sister who is an out and proud lesbian.

hbogirls

Lena is publicly dating Fun.’s hot as fuck guitarist Jack Antonoff and the two are wildly in love. Jack, much like Lena, is also known for his rallying in the gay rights movement by appearing in the NOH8 campaign. Even though they may be in love, the two are not getting married until one major thing happens. Lena said backstage at the Golden Globes: “I don’t want to get married until all gay people can get married.” Three snaps for you, hunty! So happy to have an elegant, influential, and passionate straight ally like yourself, and Jack, to help us fight for gay rights everywhere. Lena, you’re our new fag hag. Now, let’s be gym buddies and start a juice cleanse. What I’m trying to say is put down that donut. Also, hated the season premiere of Girls on Sunday. Love you!

lenajack

Smooches.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome To The Gayborhood, Matt Dallas!

There’s is nothing that makes me smile from ear to ear than someone coming out of the closet. Well, there’s that one thing but I talk too much about threesomes. Anyways, Matt Dallas, or has-been Kyle XY star, has finally come out of the closet and he is still one hot piece of alien ass.

Dallas came out via Twitter on Sunday and also announced his engagement to his musician fiance Blue Hamilton. What a fucking douche of name, right? I am super thrilled that he finally come out because everyone know how hard it can be. Plus, his coming out has put him in the spotlight after about 7 years.

Screen shot 2013-01-10 at 1.19.08 AM

This really shows off how hot his fiance and his beautiful dog are. I mean that’s the first time I’ve seen two “hot dogs” in between a man’s legs. Dallas is one lucky dude. Woof woof, bitch!

Smooches.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Westboro Baptist Church: STFU!

Seriously, queers, I’m going to have another bitch fit today. I already had a fit this morning when my poodle pissed all over my new Louis Vuitton boots. I was so mad at Bette Midler that I refused to give her a gluten-free doggy treat today. She was such a bitch – literally.

Now that my shoes are ruined, another irritating thing has come back to haunt me. No, I’m not talking about graphic tees – I’m talking about the fucking Westboro Baptist Church. Seriously, these guys need to get laid by someone who is not blood-related to them. And, not only are they back, they’re back with a vengeance.

The stupid son of Fred Phelps, Jonathan Phelps, declared that he “absolutely” supported the death penalty for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. REALLY? This motherfucker – literally – is supposed to be jewish on top of this. How the fuck are you jewish and baptist at the same time? Somewhere Jesus is saying, “Nah uh girlfriend…”

The Westboro Baptist Church has been notoriously-known for picketing soldier’s funerals with signs like “God Hates America” and “God Hates Fags” and all of a sudden they want credit for deeming a new capitol punishment law? Get the fuck out of here!

It has been reported that the Westboro Baptist Church is going to picket the late Donna Johnson, a U.S. Army Sargent, because she was a lesbian and served the country. Their philosophy behind this, you ask? Let’s ask the president of Dumbass, Inc. himself, Jonathan Phelps: “Military funerals have become pagan orgies of idolatrous blasphemy, where they pray to dunghill gods of Sodom & play taps to a fallen fool.”

I rest my case.

Oh, yeah, Happy National Coming Out Day, fruits!

Smooches.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Want $65 Million?

Can you imagine having $65 million for you to play with? I can see racks of Louboutin’s, plethora of Gucci scarves, a white Maybach, and millions of Grey Goose stacked in kitchen in my mansion that’s on my own island. Ahhhhh, the life.

But, in order to get those millions, you would have to marry a dyke… Still up for the challenge?

Cecil Chao Sze-tsung, Hong Kong billionaire, offered $65 million to marry his lesbian daughter, who apparently eloped with her wife of seven years, and create a family with her. The daugher, Gigi Chao, is a director at her father’s company, has not reported that she or her father have found any eligible bacherlor’s yet.

Um, HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!! I’m ready for you Gigi! I’m thinking that if Gigi and I got married we would still look like either two men or two women. We would look like a gay couple depending on her butch level and my femme level.

Shit, for $65 million I would fuck a lesbian. I would have to channel my inner Anna Nicole Smith and think of Prada loafers the whole time, but at least at the end of the day I would have my money. Yes, I’m a cheap whore, but who isn’t these days? The economy is tough and rough, just like my last fuck, and I’m ready to be her husband.

But, I can’t help feel bad for Gigi that her father is basically selling her to any man that comes by her fishy vag. Her Chinese pussy has taken sushi to the next level if you get what I mean…

Anyways, gays, how much money would you fuck a woman for? It’s like being a gay-for-pay porn star except opposite.

Coining a new porn category: straight-for-pay. Email me for inquiries.

Smooches.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Chick-fil-HAYYY

If you don’t know what’s been going on with Chick-fil-A and their anti-gay group charity donations, then your gay membership has been revoked. For all you fags that do know what’s going on – free blow jobs for you! Chick-fil-A has been donating to anti-gay groups such as the WinShape Foundation, Focus On The Family (ew), and National Organization for Marriage (gross) which essentially make sure that same-sex marriage and gay civil rights are not passed. Chick-fil-A even donated $2 million in 2010 to such groups. Do you know how many Louis Vuitton duffle bags that is?! I’m shaking.

Image

Not only has Chick-fil-A been detrimental to the gay community because of their homophobic stance, they’re a fucking fast food chain. I don’t know what the big deal was when all you homos went in for that same-sex kiss boycott bullshit when you really shouldn’t have been going there in the first place. You want to look like Roseanne? I don’t think so.

I’m really ecstatic now that Chick-fil-A has come to an agreement that donating to anti-gay groups and living a homophobic lifestyle is filled with as much douche-baggery as Jeremy Piven. Thanks to Chicago Alderman Joe Moreno, his stance on legalizing same-sex marriage made the executive cunts at Chick-fil-A realize that their openness to state their detrimental stance to gay social issues is hindering our society. Moreno blocked the idiot fast-food chain from opening in his area thus leading to an agreement with Chick-fil-A to cease funding anti-gay groups.

But seriously, I don’t care if Cher and Madonna opened up a fast-food chain together, I still wouldn’t eat there. So, Chick-fil-A can still kiss my bleached asshole. Fast food is the herpes of society. You may think you stopped one, but there’s another chance of an outbreak another time.

Do you want to look like this?

Image

Didn’t think so, honey.

Smooches.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,