Tag Archives: gay rights

So You Think You’re A Drag Queen?

Whether you’re a macho straight man or even a prissy girly-girl, everyone has an inner drag queen inside of them. From the way you walk, the way you talk, and even your diva ego are all aspects that every drag queen uses when they’re performing on and off stage. I believe if I were a drag queen my name would be Kitten solely because I fucking love my cat. Every month at Town Danceboutique in D.C., there’s a fabulous event filled with wigs, make-up, and attitude that puts Naomi Campbell to shame. The event is known as “So You Think You’re A Drag Queen?” and it brings all the glitterati sashaying to Town just to catch their favorite local drag queens compete to become the next big act in D.C. And your’s truly got to go backstage and get the inside scoop.

If you’re still somewhat hazy, or somewhat drunk like me, about “So You Think You’re A Drag Queen?”, my friends over at Metro Weekly have been documenting it since 2010 so watch the video above. “So You Think You’re A Drag Queen?”, hosted by Lena Lett and Shi-Queeta-Lee, is essentially an homage to the ubiquitous “RuPaul’s Drag Race” where there is a panel of guest judges (Derek Brown, Epiphany B. Lee, Tatianna, and Ba’Naka) that critique the queens and the winner is chosen by the audience. Let me just say, the turnout was mind-blowing and there even was a bachelorette party taking place. Let me tell you, nothing gets straight women going than seeing a drag queen throwing them shade. Here’s an example:

Drag Queen to bachelorette party: “Let me see your ring, honey. Oh, it’s sooooo tiny. Good for you, sweetie!”

S-H-A-D-E

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(Lena Lett)

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(Shi-Queeta-Lee and her perky nipples)

The drag queen contestants were:

Alessandra McQueen

Porcelain St Clair

Francesca Adams

Kellie Nicole Savage Black

Zendaya Thorne 

Kit Valentine

One of my favorite performances was done by Ba’Naka Deveraux, who performed “Boy Is A Bottom“. So chic.

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(Ba’Naka Deveraux performing “This Boy Is A Bottom” whilst getting her coins)

Honestly, I couldn’t really remember the rest of the show because I was in a text war with my drug dealer. But if could guess, there were drag queens, dresses, wigs, like maybe Tatianna from season 2 of Rupaul’s Drag Race was there…

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Also make-up, high heels, maybe a Dolly Parton drag queen…

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(Porcelain St. Clair, above, ended up winning the competition. Side note: her parents and family came out to support her. So cute.)

My all-time favorite and the drag queen I was rooting for, Alessandra McQueen, took to the stage and released her inner Sasha Fierce.

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After the show I got to go backstage and catch up with the hilarious and profound Lena Lett who is also an ordained minister. How fucking amazing is that?

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(Lena Lett with Jesus)

Since Lena is a devout catholic, we got to talk about the Pope. “I think this Pope is a breath of fresh air. He is very humble.”, Lena says, “He takes the message of the gospel personally and the integrity of the gospel personally.” When it came to her performing as a comic in the drag queen circuit, she told how she’s been performing for about 17 years and has collected about a thousand outfits over the years.

I also got the opportunity to catch up with one of the runner-up of “So You Think You’re A Drag Queen”, Francesca Adams.

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(Francesca Adams)

“My middle name, in boy form, is Francis, so that’s where I got Francesca. And Adams I took from a very dear friend of mine.”, she told me while I stared at her flawless eye make-up. Although Francesca performed to Richgirl’s “He Ain’t Wit Me Now (Tho)”, she does cite Beyonce as one of her musical inspirations and fashion inspirations.

Oh, yeah, and this happened.

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(Kellie Nicole Savage Black)

Town hosts “So You Think You’re A Drag Queen” every month so be sure to attend if you’re ever in the area. You’ll get to see things like this…

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(Kit Valentine)

Great cutlets, girl.

Smooches.

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Lena Dunham: Best Hunty In A Comedy Series

If there isn’t one thing I’m more obsessed about than manscaping, it’s motherfucking Lena Dunham. Lena is probably the epitome of every gay man out there – a hipster bitch who is overly compulsive about losing weight. One of my friends actually knows Lena and went to Oberlin with her (true story). One time she went to her house and got so high that they filmed this dinky little film called Tiny Furniture. When my friend learned about how Lena took all the credit for the film, my friend got pissed. I, on the other hand, applauded Lena because that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve seized the opportunity of a lifetime and made a hit movie. That’s what all adventurous women do. Cue the hi-hat.

"Girls" creator and actress Lena Dunham poses with the award "Girls" won for Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical at the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills

Like every gay and closeted man out there, I watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday night (P.S. You know who was on my best dressed list? Nicole “I-Was-Once-An-Anorexic-Pill-Popping-Shrew-But-Now-I’m-A-Mature-Upstanding-Citizen-Of-Society-Because-I’m-A-Mother” Richie. Sis was looking on point!). From the homos doing the set design to the in-the-closet lead male actors to Jodie Foster and Richard Gere, the Globes was THE gay place to be. I totally fell in love with Jodie Foster much like how she fell in love with Home Depot the minute she scissored a woman. In all seriousness, she delivered that poignant and beautiful speech with such poise and eloquence. Jodie, shopping at Birkenstock is a must. My treat!

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Anyways, back to Lena Dunham. I literally was giving her a standing ovation when she won for Best Actress in a Comedy Series and when Girls won for Best Comedy Series. That show has given me so much life that I want to thank her by signing her up for Weight Watchers. She is a smart and beautiful woman who is also a HUGE ally for the LGBT community. Lena also has rallied for same-sex marriage legalization, appeared in an Obama campaign, and also has a sister who is an out and proud lesbian.

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Lena is publicly dating Fun.’s hot as fuck guitarist Jack Antonoff and the two are wildly in love. Jack, much like Lena, is also known for his rallying in the gay rights movement by appearing in the NOH8 campaign. Even though they may be in love, the two are not getting married until one major thing happens. Lena said backstage at the Golden Globes: “I don’t want to get married until all gay people can get married.” Three snaps for you, hunty! So happy to have an elegant, influential, and passionate straight ally like yourself, and Jack, to help us fight for gay rights everywhere. Lena, you’re our new fag hag. Now, let’s be gym buddies and start a juice cleanse. What I’m trying to say is put down that donut. Also, hated the season premiere of Girls on Sunday. Love you!

lenajack

Smooches.

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Westboro Baptist Church: STFU!

Seriously, queers, I’m going to have another bitch fit today. I already had a fit this morning when my poodle pissed all over my new Louis Vuitton boots. I was so mad at Bette Midler that I refused to give her a gluten-free doggy treat today. She was such a bitch – literally.

Now that my shoes are ruined, another irritating thing has come back to haunt me. No, I’m not talking about graphic tees – I’m talking about the fucking Westboro Baptist Church. Seriously, these guys need to get laid by someone who is not blood-related to them. And, not only are they back, they’re back with a vengeance.

The stupid son of Fred Phelps, Jonathan Phelps, declared that he “absolutely” supported the death penalty for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. REALLY? This motherfucker – literally – is supposed to be jewish on top of this. How the fuck are you jewish and baptist at the same time? Somewhere Jesus is saying, “Nah uh girlfriend…”

The Westboro Baptist Church has been notoriously-known for picketing soldier’s funerals with signs like “God Hates America” and “God Hates Fags” and all of a sudden they want credit for deeming a new capitol punishment law? Get the fuck out of here!

It has been reported that the Westboro Baptist Church is going to picket the late Donna Johnson, a U.S. Army Sargent, because she was a lesbian and served the country. Their philosophy behind this, you ask? Let’s ask the president of Dumbass, Inc. himself, Jonathan Phelps: “Military funerals have become pagan orgies of idolatrous blasphemy, where they pray to dunghill gods of Sodom & play taps to a fallen fool.”

I rest my case.

Oh, yeah, Happy National Coming Out Day, fruits!

Smooches.

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Orlando Cruz Is Gay. Duh.

Nothing screams “I love cock in my mouth!” than a name like Orlando Cruz. Like, seriously, that’s a gay ass name. So, how come no one ever knew this boxing queen was a raging homo? Maybe it was all the macho stigma that comes with being a boxer that no one ever suspects someone being strong and “manly” as being gay. But, I knew. I remember seeing him at The Caesar’s Palace one night where I watched a fight of his. He ended up asking me up to his hotel room after a serious eye-fucking session and he later fisted me while still having his boxing glove on. Let’s just say, I KO’d in about two minutes.

The one amazing thing that I absolutely love about Orlando Cruz is that he finally came out of the closet as a “proud gay man”. He is the first gay boxer to ever be open about his sexuality and continues to rock a serious set of biceps. History has been made in the boxing industry thanks to Orlando.

“I have and will always be proud to be Puerto Rican. I have and will always be proud to be a gay man.” Orlando Cruz has been professionally boxing since December 2000 and his next match is October 19 – which is also going to be my first time watching a boxing match naked with a tub of vaseline and tissues right by my side.

Orlando is scheduled to talk about his life and coming out of the closet on Telemundo, of course, before his match on the 19th.

Thank you, Orlando, for taking a gay step forward in the right direction in a society that still undermines the values and rights of gay people. Honestly, you are such a great role model to anyone who is afraid to be themselves.

Also, see you tonight and bring your boxing gloves when you come over.

Smooches.

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Want $65 Million?

Can you imagine having $65 million for you to play with? I can see racks of Louboutin’s, plethora of Gucci scarves, a white Maybach, and millions of Grey Goose stacked in kitchen in my mansion that’s on my own island. Ahhhhh, the life.

But, in order to get those millions, you would have to marry a dyke… Still up for the challenge?

Cecil Chao Sze-tsung, Hong Kong billionaire, offered $65 million to marry his lesbian daughter, who apparently eloped with her wife of seven years, and create a family with her. The daugher, Gigi Chao, is a director at her father’s company, has not reported that she or her father have found any eligible bacherlor’s yet.

Um, HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!! I’m ready for you Gigi! I’m thinking that if Gigi and I got married we would still look like either two men or two women. We would look like a gay couple depending on her butch level and my femme level.

Shit, for $65 million I would fuck a lesbian. I would have to channel my inner Anna Nicole Smith and think of Prada loafers the whole time, but at least at the end of the day I would have my money. Yes, I’m a cheap whore, but who isn’t these days? The economy is tough and rough, just like my last fuck, and I’m ready to be her husband.

But, I can’t help feel bad for Gigi that her father is basically selling her to any man that comes by her fishy vag. Her Chinese pussy has taken sushi to the next level if you get what I mean…

Anyways, gays, how much money would you fuck a woman for? It’s like being a gay-for-pay porn star except opposite.

Coining a new porn category: straight-for-pay. Email me for inquiries.

Smooches.

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Chick-fil-HAYYY

If you don’t know what’s been going on with Chick-fil-A and their anti-gay group charity donations, then your gay membership has been revoked. For all you fags that do know what’s going on – free blow jobs for you! Chick-fil-A has been donating to anti-gay groups such as the WinShape Foundation, Focus On The Family (ew), and National Organization for Marriage (gross) which essentially make sure that same-sex marriage and gay civil rights are not passed. Chick-fil-A even donated $2 million in 2010 to such groups. Do you know how many Louis Vuitton duffle bags that is?! I’m shaking.

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Not only has Chick-fil-A been detrimental to the gay community because of their homophobic stance, they’re a fucking fast food chain. I don’t know what the big deal was when all you homos went in for that same-sex kiss boycott bullshit when you really shouldn’t have been going there in the first place. You want to look like Roseanne? I don’t think so.

I’m really ecstatic now that Chick-fil-A has come to an agreement that donating to anti-gay groups and living a homophobic lifestyle is filled with as much douche-baggery as Jeremy Piven. Thanks to Chicago Alderman Joe Moreno, his stance on legalizing same-sex marriage made the executive cunts at Chick-fil-A realize that their openness to state their detrimental stance to gay social issues is hindering our society. Moreno blocked the idiot fast-food chain from opening in his area thus leading to an agreement with Chick-fil-A to cease funding anti-gay groups.

But seriously, I don’t care if Cher and Madonna opened up a fast-food chain together, I still wouldn’t eat there. So, Chick-fil-A can still kiss my bleached asshole. Fast food is the herpes of society. You may think you stopped one, but there’s another chance of an outbreak another time.

Do you want to look like this?

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Didn’t think so, honey.

Smooches.

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