Tag Archives: girls

What I’m Obsessed With: Amanda Bynes

What’s the first thing you think of when someone says “Amanda Bynes”? Some may say “crazy”, some may say “train wreck”, or some people, like me, would say “BFF”. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and some might say that she needs help. In my opinion, she doesn’t need help, she needs me. Obviously, I wish she were a little bit more stable than she is right now cause I read somewhere that her credit card got declined at a salon, but other than that, she seems like a good time. We all have an Amanda Bynes in our group of friends, and if you don’t know who that is, then look in the mirror cause it’s most likely you.

Amanda Bynes has all the good making in being my BFF:

She makes me laugh.

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She does drugs.

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She’s a whore.

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And she makes me look like I have it all together. Watch:

Amanda, if you’re reading this, let’s go to rehab together.

Smooches.

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Lena Dunham: Best Hunty In A Comedy Series

If there isn’t one thing I’m more obsessed about than manscaping, it’s motherfucking Lena Dunham. Lena is probably the epitome of every gay man out there – a hipster bitch who is overly compulsive about losing weight. One of my friends actually knows Lena and went to Oberlin with her (true story). One time she went to her house and got so high that they filmed this dinky little film called Tiny Furniture. When my friend learned about how Lena took all the credit for the film, my friend got pissed. I, on the other hand, applauded Lena because that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve seized the opportunity of a lifetime and made a hit movie. That’s what all adventurous women do. Cue the hi-hat.

"Girls" creator and actress Lena Dunham poses with the award "Girls" won for Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical at the 70th annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills

Like every gay and closeted man out there, I watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday night (P.S. You know who was on my best dressed list? Nicole “I-Was-Once-An-Anorexic-Pill-Popping-Shrew-But-Now-I’m-A-Mature-Upstanding-Citizen-Of-Society-Because-I’m-A-Mother” Richie. Sis was looking on point!). From the homos doing the set design to the in-the-closet lead male actors to Jodie Foster and Richard Gere, the Globes was THE gay place to be. I totally fell in love with Jodie Foster much like how she fell in love with Home Depot the minute she scissored a woman. In all seriousness, she delivered that poignant and beautiful speech with such poise and eloquence. Jodie, shopping at Birkenstock is a must. My treat!

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Anyways, back to Lena Dunham. I literally was giving her a standing ovation when she won for Best Actress in a Comedy Series and when Girls won for Best Comedy Series. That show has given me so much life that I want to thank her by signing her up for Weight Watchers. She is a smart and beautiful woman who is also a HUGE ally for the LGBT community. Lena also has rallied for same-sex marriage legalization, appeared in an Obama campaign, and also has a sister who is an out and proud lesbian.

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Lena is publicly dating Fun.’s hot as fuck guitarist Jack Antonoff and the two are wildly in love. Jack, much like Lena, is also known for his rallying in the gay rights movement by appearing in the NOH8 campaign. Even though they may be in love, the two are not getting married until one major thing happens. Lena said backstage at the Golden Globes: “I don’t want to get married until all gay people can get married.” Three snaps for you, hunty! So happy to have an elegant, influential, and passionate straight ally like yourself, and Jack, to help us fight for gay rights everywhere. Lena, you’re our new fag hag. Now, let’s be gym buddies and start a juice cleanse. What I’m trying to say is put down that donut. Also, hated the season premiere of Girls on Sunday. Love you!

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Smooches.

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Three Snaps, Emmys.

I don’t know about you gays, but I thoroughly enjoyed the Emmy’s last night. And by Emmy’s, I mean the fashion obviously. Duh.

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Apart from the fact that Homeland and Modern Family took a shit ton of awards home, the fashion was so fucking good that I creamed my pants when I saw those dresses. But, I immediately cried my heart out when HBO’s Girls didn’t win a single fucking thing! Like, are you fucking kidding me?! That show is probably the epitome of my college life. I fucked, got into fights with my best friend/roommate, and I totally was a fatass. Lena Dunham totes covered my college years and how doesn’t her talented, boobless self not win a single fucking Emmy but Louis C.K.’s ginger ass won shit? Clearly, I had to vent to my drug dealer about this. All was okay when he brought over that glass pipe and angel dust.

Anyways, onto the fashion…

Who do I think the best dressed was, you ask?

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Hayden Panettiere was looking all sorts of va va voom with that bodacious body and a drapery teal wrap over a beautiful gold Marchesa dress. Seriously, three snaps for you, bitch, three snaps for you.

Some other cunts that I thought werked the shit out of their Emmy gowns were…

Tiny Fey in Vivienne Westwood
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And, of course, Sofia Vergara in Zuhair Murad
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Overall, the Emmys was a sight for sore eyes and there was lot of color coming out of its ass. I loved it and totally dove into all those colors that were swirling around… Wait, that was just me being high.

Anyways, congratulations to all the winners and their coke dealers. I’m talking to you, Julie Bowen. Seriously, what was up with your acceptance speech and your rail-thin cocaine arms? Get. Your. Shit. Together. Honey. And I’ll have what you’re having…

Smooches.

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