Tag Archives: hooked on phonics

Ask The Gayly Dose – #1: eGrindr Mingle

Hi,

This bitch here ‘accidentally’ ended up in your blog after google-ing grindr dating. I met a guy there – on Grindr. I gave him my phone number so that we can “whatsapp” (One of the 5 DON’Ts in your blog…hahaha…wait…is it 5 or 8? hahaha). I kinda like him (that stranger in my real life) after chatting with him (like, only three days?). He knew that I’m a 100% bottom gay. I asked him out on Monday, saying that it is better to meet up before visualizing me as his ideal man. I don’t want him to have the feeling that what in front of him, which is me, after picturing how perfect I gonna be, is not who he think I am. He said “we are just friends. Why will I have this kind of feeling?” Is he trying to say that he’s not interested in me? Anyway, there is a date on Monday…gosh…what should I do besides remembering your 8 tips?

S*

Dear English As Your Second Language,

First, I have five, I repeat FIVE, “What Not To Do’s” on Grindr. Read it and comprehend it. But, you’re such a doll for asking me for advice so I won’t get started with you. Anyways, cunt, you can’t really like someone, especially on Grindr, after chatting for three days. Too soon to get into your feelings. Try and keep your heart away from Grindr. Grindr is to find relations not relationships. Remember that shit! Don’t confuse it for eHarmony or that godforsaken Christian Mingle. And he clearly just stated that you two are just friends. He doesn’t want a relationship. He’s plainly interested in fucking you. I’m assuming you must have a phenomenal ass which he cannot pass up. Fuck him and see if you guys connect and when I say “connect” I mean “click” not see if his dick is a perfect fit for your hole. Also, sorry for responding on Wednesday instead of Monday. I hope he didn’t steal your wallet. Let me know how your date went.

P.S. I suggest you get this before you venture out in the world of gay dating…

Smooches.

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