Tag Archives: kesha

6 Ways To Avoid Contacting Your Ex For Sex (NSFW)

I’m horny. Like, really horny. And very much so single. What does a single gay love to do when he’s horny? Call his ex. If you’re a self-respecting gay like myself, you can agree that contacting your ex for sex is totally not a good option. We all have been there and it never works out to our favor. Yes, the sex will be good and yes, his six-pack will feel amazing against your body, but there comes a time that we have to ditch our ex as our go-to for sex because it’s pathetic. Very, very fucking pathetic. Don’t feel alone because I’m going through that right now. Do I want to call up my ex, who I dated for six years of my life that has the most perfect body, to fuck tonight? HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH! Will I feel great afterwards? HELL TO THE FUCK NO. I’m here to help you, my confused friends. I give you my “6 Ways To Avoid Contacting Your Ex For Sex”.

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I’ve been dealing with this issue this whole week after I had a sex dream about my ex. We were riding on a motorcycle (Sounds very Lana Del Rey, right?) and we were naked together and very hot and sweaty. The next thing I remember is pressing my body all over his and feeling his rock-hard, sweaty body against mine. What was that? You’re hard? Yeah, me too. When I woke up from my dream, I couldn’t help but masturbate. Now, every single day I think about calling him at midnight to have him come over and fuck me till I have no more cum. But, ironically, that would be fruitless. What am I supposed to do? I tried googling ways to get over him, but there wasn’t anything for us strong, gay men. So, I used my own advice and created ways to get over him and the best part is, it fucking worked. Here’s how you do it:

1. Delete him from your life

Every now and then when you’re just checking your Facebook or Instagram, you see him. Whether you fucking like it or not or whether you want to or not, he’s right there. You can’t seem to avoid missing him because he just shows up on all your social networking sites. DELETE HIM! Not only do you delete him from your phone, you delete him from everything. Now, careful, he will see that you deleted him as a friend on Facebook or unfollowed him on Twitter, but there are ways to getting around his incessant posts and tweets. Simply, hide him. Facebook has this feature of hiding people from your newsfeed. Do it. My Twitter app on my phone, called Echofon, has a mute option. You don’t want your ex to think that you’re a psycho by deleting him permanently so simply hide him. That way he will think you’re mature for being friends with him via social media and that way you won’t ever see him. It’s the cyberspace version of running the other way in public when you see your ex.

2. Listen to inspiring music

When I mean “inspiring music”, I don’t mean gospel. I mean Madonna’s “Express Yourself” or Pink’s “So What”. You need these empowering songs to keep you from contacting him. These songs, at least to me, make me feel independent and self-reliant on myself to make me happy. Everyone has a song that makes me them feel awesome as shit and so powerful that they can run for president if they wanted to right then and there. Find your song that’s about ripping your ex to shreds. Besides inspiring songs, party songs also help me avoid thinking about my ex. Songs like Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” or Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” seem to do the trick for me. Whatever you do, don’t listen to that bitch Adele. She’ll make you miss him and go crawling back.

3. Exercise hard

If you already don’t exercise regularly, you need to be sent to Milan where they’ll make fun of your obesity and give you an eating disorder. As Elle Woods said it so profoundly in Legally Blonde, “Exercising gives you endorphins. Endorphines make you happy.” Exercising is not only great for the body, but also great for your mind. After my intense step interval or cardio kickboxing classes, I feel alive. I feel great. I feel like I can take on the day. Plus, exercising will help you feel less stressed and keep your body looking fit. You want to keep yourself busy and exercising is a great way. You can spend hours at the gym sculpting every part of your body and not know where the time has gone. Plus, you’ll get great results that will help you landing someone that’s even hotter than your ex. If you don’t want to exercise to keep you from contacting your ex, just please do it for the sake of everyone else that has to look at your cellulite.

4. Party harder

If there’s anything that I don’t do better than fucking, it’s partying. I would say that partying not only is great cardio but also great to keep your mind occupied from thinking about papers, projects, deadlines, or exes. If you want to not contact that certain ex of yours, you’re going to have to start to make plans and keep yourself busy. Get your friends together to get hammered at your local gay bar! If you don’t have any friends, call me. I’m always down to get drunk all the time. Some say I’m an alcoholic but doesn’t everyone drink alone in their room? It’s just when I’m completely drunk and hear my favorite dance song blare in the club, it excites every bone in my body. You need to party if you want to avoid thinking or even contacting that guy. Instead of calling your ex, call one of your friends and make plans.

5. Buy shit you love

Gifts always make people happy. Since you’re probably single and have no one to get you a gift beside your ex, get yourself a gift. Whether it may be some amazing clothes from Urban Outfitters, some greasy fast food from Taco Bell, or even a brand new BMW, do something for yourself that makes you happy. I personally love getting a makeover so I take myself to my favorite spa and get a smashed crystal and sea salt scrub pedicure and an avocado facial. Or you could go on Grindr and get a different kind of facial. Either one works best.

6. Masturbate

Self-explanatory. Here, I’ll help:

Hope this helps. Comment and let me know what you do, bitches.

Smooches.

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Ke$ha Debuts “C’Mon” Music Video – Watch It Here!

It’s a scientific known fact that every gay out there likes at least one Ke$ha song. And even if you say you don’t, I know you do because you can’t escape the irresistible force that is this glitter-pop train wreck. Ke$ha’s latest album, Warrior, includes many hits including one of my all-time favorite Ke$ha party jams – “C’Mon”. Check out the music video below!

The video starts out with Courtney Stodden – I mean Ke$ha – Naomi-ing into her job all late as fuck (Trust me, I’ve done the same thing) with her boss, Ri¢hard (How clever), being all up her ass and harassing her. For some reason, I also saw “420” somewhere written but then again I’m high as fuck. Then some old man, who looks like the same old man from Grindr who incessantly messages me everyday at 2:43 a.m., is demanding for some coffee while being a total vagina about it.

Courtney – errr Ke$ha – has had enough with her job and the bullshit so she quits and walks out. She is then sitting on the bench outside when some Back To The Future looking car comes, which is driven by a guy in a cat suit, to rescue her from her mayhem. Then, it’s a glitter party that so references to drugs and her psychedelic sense of style. That’s it.

The End.

Even though one of the lyrics from the song is “I don’t wanna go to sleep, I wanna stay up all night“, I most definitely fell asleep during this music video because it was so unoriginal. Or it could be because I took one too many bong hits. Either way – FAIL!

That Ke$ha has some serious “creativity”. Like, c’mon Ke$ha, stop ripping off your other music video “Your Love Is My Drug” by just changing the hues and contrasts to produce a new music video. I see you, girl. Great song, horrible music video.

What do you cunts think?

Smooches.

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Glitter-Fuck With Ke$ha’s “Warrior” Album! Full Listen Here!

I’m in tears. Sorry, let me rephrase that. I’m in tear$$$$$$$$$$$! Not only does my ex have an ugly as shit boyfriend now, but my main slut bitch Ke$ha has released her new album, “Warrior”, and it’s like drowning in a whirlpool of glitter that transfers you to a world full of snare drums, whiskey, and orgies. Sounds like my last trip on acid, actually. Listen to the full album here!

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Her new album is filled with reminiscent 1980’s hair band sounds layered upon hard-hitting dance synth pop music. It’s like Poison and Lynyrd Skynyrd mixed with Uffie and Grimes. This sound is not totally unexpected from Ke$ha (She’s a huge fan of rock, country, and dance), but it’s definitely a new sound that she has put on a record. From features with Iggy Pop to tracks produced by Benny Blanco and Dr. Luke, this album is sure a partier’s dream! Although the album doesn’t live up to her debut album, “Animal”, with every song being a hit, the album will sure get you dancing and twerking like a go-go boy. Feeling like partying and getting trashed? Play “C’Mon”. Feeling like chilling and smoking weed? Play “Wonderland”. Feeling like unleashing your inner strength and tearing off your clothes? The self-titled track, “Warrior”, will sure get your freak on. Twerk, bitches, twerk!

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My must-listen-to songs are: “Warrior”, “C’Mon”, “Die Young”, “Supernatural”, “Wonderland”, “All That Matters (The Beautiful Life), “Out Alive”, and my all-time favorite song off this album – “Gold Trans Am”. That song, which is featured only on the deluxe version, will definitely “make you want to have sex in your car”.

Here’s the track list for Ke$ha’s “Warrior (Deluxe Version)”:

1. Warrior
2. Die Young
3. C’Mon
4. Thinking of You
5. Crazy Kids
6. Wherever You Are
7. Dirty Love (feat. Iggy Pop)
8. Wonderland
9. Only Wanna Dance With You
10. Supernatural
11. All That Matters (The Beautiful Life)
12. Love Into the Light
13. Last Goodbye
14. Gold Trans Am
15. Out Alive
16. Past Lives

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What do you think of Ke$ha’s new album, “Warrior”? Are you going to buy it? What are your favorite songs? Comment and let me know bitches!

Smooches.

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Ke$ha Wants to “Die Young”

Okay, gays, hold on to your cock rings…

Ke$ha has a new single called “Die Young” and it’s fucking amazeballs! This song is what we all need in our lives – a party. I know that I surely can use a fucking drunken night; I mean, it’s been like a whole day since I last blacked out and this song gets me in the mood to do some tar heroin. Click here to listen!


As per usual, the song starts out with amazing synth beats that keeps us Ke$ha fans hooked. The song was co-written by Fun.’s Nate Ruess and produced by the amazing Benny Blanco and fabulous Dr. Luke, who are responsible for amazing hit singles like “Tik Tok”. Ke$ha’s music could not have come at a better time in my life. With the sun setting earlier, my days are like looking into a black abyss. But now with this pop-anthem, I am ready for the night on the town with my friends and getting white girl wasted.

With the hypnotizing chorus to the sick rifts, the songs has got me wanting more from her upcoming album “Warrior”, which drops December 4. “I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums/Oh what a shame that you came here with someone/So while you’re here in my arms/Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young” are the lyrics to the smashing chorus. I feel as if someone has said this to me in a NYC bathhouse, but I could be wrong.


Anyways, gays, the song is a hit and you should be hearing it soon at a gay club near you, so be sure to vogue your asses off to it.

What do you think of Ke$ha’s new single? Hit or miss? Comment, cunts.

Smooches.

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